Here are 40 Cruise Jokes you won’t want to miss

Cruise Jokes: Continue reading if you enjoy cruises and could use a good laugh! You’ll laugh out loud at this compilation of 50 of the greatest puns, cruise jokes, and even humorous things that have been heard on cruise ships.

As you prepare for a future vacation, the cruise puns and sayings can also serve as excellent social media captions! They can even be printed on cruise t-shirts and mugs!

Cruise Jokes

1. Playing Cards

Why couldn’t the passengers play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck.

2. Sick Cruise Ships

Where do sick cruise ships go?

The dock.

3. Phone Calls

What does a mermaid use to call her friends?

A shell phone, of course.

4. Life as a Crew Member

What’s it like working on a cruise ship?

It has its ups and downs.

5. Inside Cabins

A couple called guest services, complaining they were stuck and couldn’t get out of their cabin.

“What’s the issue?” answered the purser. “There are only two doors,” replied the woman. “One is the bathroom, and the other says Do Not Disturb.”

6. Shower Trouble

The showers in the cruise cabins are so small. I just soap the walls and spin around a few times!

7. Emotional Baggage

I told my suitcase I wouldn’t be taking a cruise this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage!

8. Ocean Waves

What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing. They just waved.

9. Marriage Trouble

I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It’s no Titanic, but I’m optimistic.

10. Nervous Cruiser

A nervous first-time cruiser asked the Captain, “Do ships like this sink very often?” No, replied the Captain, “Usually only once.”

11. Mechanical Issues

What do you call an azipod that doesn’t work?

A lazypod.

12. Bermuda Triangle

What would you call the Bermuda triangle if it had 4 corners? The Bermuda Wreck-Tangle

13. On a Cruise Ship Deck

A man is standing on deck, gazing out at the water. As the ship passes a small remote island, he spots somebody. He squints to make out what he sees – a thin, straggly man with wild-looking hair. He watches as the man runs from side to side, jumps up and down, and waves his arm.

The cruise passenger turns to the captain and says, “What’s up with that guy?” The captain shrugs and replies, “I don’t know, but he’s happy to see us when we sail by!”

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14. Christmas Cruise Joke

Where does Santa go on vacation?

Santa Cruz

15. Sinking Cruise Ship Joke

A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea, and the cruise passengers manage to escape on lifeboats. A woman asks the Captain, “How far is the closest land?”

“3 miles”, he answers. “That’s not too bad. In which direction? she asks.

The Captain replied, “Down.”

16. The Friendly Sea

How do we know we know the ocean is friendly?

It waves

17. Booze Cruise

On its last night at sea, a cruise ship sails back from the Caribbean. Just before dinner time, the captain gets on the loudspeaker.

“This is your captain speaking. I regret to inform you that there was an error with our provisioning. While there are 2000 passengers on board, we only have enough food for 1000 dinners. However, we have plenty of alcohol, so anyone willing to give up their meal will receive free drinks for the rest of the night.”

A few hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize, but we’ve run out of booze. On the upside, we still have a thousand delicious meals for you to enjoy!”

18. Lost Rolex

A wealthy passenger took a cruise vacation to a tropical island and decided to sunbathe on the beach. Wanting an even tan, he took off his luxury watch and slipped it into his pocket.

Back on board at the end of the day, he realized that his watch was gone—it must have fallen out of his pocket. Too embarrassed to admit he’d lost such an expensive item, he decided not to tell anyone.

A moment later, the Captain’s voice came on the loudspeaker. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is an announcement to the passenger who lost the Rolex Pearlmaster on the beach……The time is now 6:54 PM.”

19. Pier Pressure

What keeps a dock floating above water?

Pier pressure.

20. Breaking News

Breaking news: Passengers trapped on a cruise ship on the ocean for 4 days.

On the bright side, it’s kind of what they paid for.

Differences between Cruise Suites and Balcony Cabins

21. Latest Cruise Ship Trend

Did you hear the latest trend is installing trampolines on cruise ships? Now everyone is jumping on board.

22. Vegetables

What vegetable isn’t allowed on cruise ships?

Leeks

23. Marine life

Why do fish swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

24. Bermuda Triangle

What would you call the Bermuda triangle if it had 4 corners? The Bermuda Wreck-Tangle

25. The magician and the parrot

A magician worked on a cruise ship, performing the same tricks each week for new passengers.

The captain’s pet parrot came to all the shows and figured out how the tricks worked. He began to shout out during the performances. “It’s up his sleeve,” spoiling the illusions.

The magician was annoyed but couldn’t do anything as the parrot belonged to the captain.

One night, the ship sank. The magician found himself stranded on a desert island, along with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred for days, neither uttering a word.

Finally, after three days, the parrot couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Okay, I give up,” he said. “What did you do with the ship?”

Short cruise jokes

Most of these cruise jokes are family friendly, so you can even teach your children any of them before your next cruise.

26. Ocean waves

What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing. They just waved

27. Colorful Cruise ship accident

Did you hear about the red cruise ship and the blue cruise ship that crashed into each other at sea?

All the survivors were marooned.

28. Mermaids

What does a mermaid use to call her friends?

A shell phone of course!

29. Latest cruise ship trend

Did you hear the latest trend is installing trampolines on cruise ships? Now everyone is jumping on board.

30. Cruise Ship Talk

What do you call an azipod that doesn’t work?

A lazypod

31. Nervous new cruiser

A nervous first time cruiser asked the Captain, “Do ships like this sink very often?” No, replied the Captain, “Usually only once.”

32. No Leeks allowed

What vegetable isn’t allowed on cruise ships?

Leeks

33. Cruise crew joke

What’s it like working on a cruise ship?

It has it’s up and downs

Longer cruise jokes

34. On a cruise ship deck

A man is standing on deck, gazing out at the water. As the ship passes a small remote island, he spots somebody. He squints to make out what he sees – a thin, straggly man with wild looking hair. He watches as the man runs from side to side, jumps up and down and waves his arm.

The cruise passenger turns to the captain and says “What’s up with that guy?” The captain shrugs and replies “I don’t know, but he’s happy to see us every year when we pass!”

35. Sinking cruise ship joke

A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea and the cruise passengers manage to escape on life boats. A woman asks the Captain “How far is the closest land?”

“3 miles”, he answers. “That’s not too bad, in which direction?, she asks.

The Captain replied “Down”

36. Inside cabin problems

A couple called down to guest services, complaining that they were stuck and couldn’t get out of their cabin.

“What’s the issue?”, answered the purser. “There are only 2 doors”, replied the woman. “One is the bathroom and the other says Do Not Disturb.”

37. A Pirate in a Bar

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, “Hey, what’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Argh, I’ve got a bounty on my head.”

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

38. Airplane travel

What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?

The plane chocolate.

39. Flight trouble

Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?

It was overbooked

40. Haunted cruise

What do ghosts eat on a cruise?

I-Scream

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